How can I tolerate being obsessed by a man? I doubt my ability to love, to feel passion, to gravitate towards him with the thirst of a lover.
He drives me around, takes me out to dinners and movies. We laze in his bed in silence, or in conversation. I feel comfortable and secure, but yet, I don't love him vehemently, or is this how it's supposed to be? Calm and steady, without the surging waves of emotion? Or perhaps I am just incapable of falling head-over-heels in love with someone, anyone. Or maybe I expect too much: the idealized sentiments in books and poetry. If I expect nothing, will I get nothing? Perhaps I have an intolerance for human blunders that makes loving impossible. Perhaps this, maybe that...my speculations as always, never lead to clarity. My wits are tangled. I feel as if I am caught in a clump of dessicated bushes, getting snagged by brittle branches.